Something may increase risk of Bad Things
A study published yesterday shows a possible link between Something and Bad Things. Researchers at the Institute of Somewhere found that Something is often associated with Something Else, which shows a correlation with Bad Things.
Bad Things are considered undesireable by most of the population. Death, cancer, obesity, pollution, ugliness and boredom have all been considered Bad Things by many people. Over 80% of the population do Something each year.
Steve Smith, 14, died last year in an incident that can only be described as a Bad Thing. He had recently been doing Something. His mother, Janet Smith, said last week "Our Steve was a loving, popular boy; with his whole future ahead of him. His life was snatched away from him horribly. I had heard of him doing Something, and I tried to tell him to stop. he wouldn't listen.." [Mrs. Smith weeps] "I worry for all the other mothers out there, how many children have to die?"
Bob Fluster, of Action Against Bad Things said "this study is just another in a torrent of evidence against Something. When will people wake up and realise that Something causes Bad Things?"
Many previous studies also show the correlation. A report by SomethingWatch found that over 75% of people who will eventually experience Bad Things have done Something, or been near someone who has done Something.
Jack De'Ladd has a different view. He claimed "everybody does Something at least every day- banning Something could end up with banning everything". A SomethingWatch spokesman said "Jack De'Ladd is proven to financially benefit from industries that produce Something. His wild claims are discredited by every scientist working to prove the danger of Something".
It is estimated that last year 839 million people suffered from Bad Things, including constipation, blindness and not being able to find a seat on the train. MegaCorp PLC made profits of £49 Billion last year from the sale of Something. The Chairman of MegaCorp refused to comment.
February 19th, 2010 - 07:04
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