This is why we wear goggles when grinding
Goggles prevent hot shards of metal from embedding themselves in your eyes. That would be bad.
Soviet Health&Safety
Found via David Thompson's blog
Health and safety posters, Soviet style
In Soviet Russia, train catches YOU
Stop, hammertime
Them Russians are/were very good at propaganda posters, I have to say.
The FNS returns tonight – 07-01-2011 11:30pm
Yes, the Friday Night Smoke returns tonight at 23:30 (GMT) after our christmas break. Tuning in is highly recommended.
The Daily Mail: first with the news that matters
On Big Lorry blog, May 2009: http://www.roadtransport.com/blogs/big-lorry-blog/2009/05/biglorryblog-has-cam-mcfadyen.html
Makes it to the Daily Mail, Jan 2011: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1344262/Lorry-flips-bridge-held-upside-200ft-drop-China.html
You know things are bad when you're reporting on a lorry crashing in China 2 years after the event.
Merry Christmas from the FNS
The view from FNS towers (Five Ways, Birmingham) today, 9pm. Click for hugeness.
The FNS always satisfies
Pink vibrating cock ring, as given to an unnamed midlands forklift dealer for reasons unknown by a condom manufacturer, and as won by 'Danstar' on The Friday Night Smoke, 17/12/2010
Grow your own car at home
Crosspost from here: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1913322&cid=34580460
I don't have a car at all. If I buy a gasoline can and fill it regularly, will a car grow in my driveway? How much gas will it take before it can drive me around? thx
A car can grow on your driveway, if you provide the right conditions. Cars, like any growing organism, require certain nutrients and environmental conditions to grow. Gas would be the source of energy for the car, analogous to sunlight in the case of plants.
First, an asphalt driveway would be required to provide heavy hydrocarbons, particles of tyre rubber, silt, and a small amount of common salt. A seed will also be required, this would be a car exhaust muffler/silencer. This contains all of the genetic information required for the car to grow correctly. Place the muffler on the driveway, and apply small (100ml or less) amounts of gasoline to it every day. Do this when the temperature is 10-16 degrees celsius, and regular small rain showers are expected.
First, the muffler will appear to go slightly rusty; this is an important stage and NOT a failure. Soon the rust will 'grow' in volume, increasing the overall size of the muffler. This is the 'germination' of the seed. Double the amount of gas per day and allow to grow over 1 month. Ensure regular watering if there is not at least 1 rain shower every 2 days, sufficient to wet the driveway and cause water to run off it. The car must be allowed to dry periodically, in rainy weather shelter the car (for example with a rain cover) to allow it to dry at least once per week.
After 1 month a full car will appear, but it is not yet developed enough for the doors to be opened or for it to be driven. Wait a further week, and until the windows appear slightly grubby. Then the car can be opened for the first time. Within a short time of doing this, fill the tank with at least 2 gallons / 9 litres of gas, and start the car using the key that should already be in the ignition. Allow it to idle for 10 minutes.
Once you have inspected the car for any defects, it can be driven. The local licensing department or DMV should be informed before using the car on a public road. Do not exceed 4,500RPM for the first 5,000 miles.
You can now enjoy your home-grown car, and with regular feeding, exercise and maintenance it will develop onto the ideal car to fulfil your needs and express your personality, while respecting your financial means. Eventually, upon receiving a sufficient amount of windscreen washer fluid (the sperm) the car will reproduce by allowing the muffler to fall of (the seed) at a location of its choosing. Cars like to plant at rough sections of second-rate arterial roads, particularly near intersections or roundabouts. Often seeding can be triggered by a light collision with another car. They also favour speed bumps, although selection is against reproducing in car parks, as the owner of the car will often stop to collect the muffler, ruining any chances of its germination.
Speed survey
This morning I noticed a pair of temporary speed survey tubes on the Lancaster Circus flyover in Birmingham, which had a 40mph limit for years and years which was recently cut to 30. I wonder what will happen when they (the council) get the survey results and find that the good people of Brum generally aren't keen on doing less than 40mph for no good reason, and the 85th percentile speed is more like 50mph?
Option 1: Increase the speed limit to the 85th percentile speed (85th percentile meaning 85% of people are slower than, and 15% faster) as is good historical speed limit practice, or:
Option 2: Say "bloody hell, everybody is speeding by a massive amount" and install some speed cameras.
Answers on a postcard please. I already feel I have an inkling as to what will happen 
A failure of advertising
Seen in today's "Eureka" science supplement, in The Times.
A BMW advert, proudly proclaiming "drinks like a camel"; intended to describe good/low fuel consumption
...and directly over the page from this double-page spread; an article which explains that camels actually drink quite a lot...
Whoops.
This post was going to be entitled "truth in advertising", but the claimed 50mpg is actually quite good.
Now, before any beemer-haters start coming out of the woodwork, here is das FNS-wagen relaxing outside in the snow. It's actually very good on fuel
The FNS returns tomorrow (19-11-2010)
Yes, it's the news you've been waiting for-