Traffic
Is it just me or is the traffic godawful so far this week? And is it just me or are the vast majority of problems caused by a small number of utter gimps? Will people have re-learned how to drive after the bank hols by next week? I hope so.
This is why we wear goggles when grinding
Goggles prevent hot shards of metal from embedding themselves in your eyes. That would be bad.
Subsidy
Right, I notice today that yet another Twitter campaign is going among self-congratulatory trendy types to 'save' the BBC from having the indignity of having even a single penny of its multi-billion pound taxpayer funded budget cut. Of course all claim (as with any other public sector 'darling' that faces cuts) that any cut whatsoever would definitely result in the destructive loss of all of the valuable and productive parts of the organisation, as waste and unnecessary bureaucracy don't exist whatsoever. All of the BBC's budget is spent on [insert whichever programme you happen to like here] and the entirety of the NHS budget is spent on hard working nurses. Of course.
I also recall the ongoing discussion of providing rural areas with a 'minimum standard' of internet access (currently mooted at 2Mbps), paid for by charging everybody else more money in some way or another. Not content with buying up all the cottages and becoming arch-NIMBYs to prevent anything useful ever being done in the countryside (like for example, actual farming); smug back-to-the-land organic Guardian-reading types now want me to pay towards their frigging broadband so that they can all sit at home on the evenings and enjoy multi-megabit access to news forums, Wikipedia and the like so that they can further spread their own particular brand of corrosive bullshit.
In light of this, I have come up with a list of things that *I* consider enjoyable and essential to civilised life, that I *demand* that everybody else in the country subsidise for my benefit. To do otherwise would be, I dunno, denialist, or portray an absence of inclusive thought or put the cultural and economic future of the nation at risk, or something like that.
1) Decent sausage and bacon sandwiches.
On certain industrial estates around the west midlands, there is a real problem obtaining a good quality sausage and bacon sandwich; and at the outlets that do sell such foodstuffs often have lengthy queues at lunchtime for some reason. I propose that a tax be levied on tofu, rocket and soy beans for the purpose of funding a new network of butty huts to bring the fortifying goodness of a decent meat sandwich to all corners of the country. The tax should also fund a new government agency to monitor and regulate the quality and price of said sandwiches, and also the queues to obtain them.
2) Internet radio
For too long, the heroes of our independent non-commercial broadcasters have gone unsung and unrewarded. They work tirelessly to bring delightful programmes such as 'The SHAPE of things to come" and "The Friday Night Smoke" to the ears of countless dedicated and grateful listeners. Unsullied by commercial concerns and unencumbered by BBC bureaucracy, internet radio collectively serves millions of listeners every week. It's high time that the stations and DJs who have worked so hard for so long are justly recompensed for their sacrifices.
I propose a £5,000 per head annual tax on every person who has ever posted a '#savebbc6music' hashtag on Twitter. This will enable everyone involved in internet radio to buy a desperately needed new computer, and will also fund an army to protect us on the day that apparently Rupert Murdoch will turn into a giant robot (with machine guns for arms) that will attempt to destroy every media outlet of any kind not directly controlled by him (a Guardian comment warned me that this could happen). It's our only hope. To refuse to support this tax is supporting Murdoch robot murder. Think about that.
3) The late night availability of cigarettes and biscuits in Birmingham
For too long people in this fair city have been unable to obtain reasonably priced cigarettes, biscuits and rolling tobacco within walking distance between midnight and 7am on weekends. This has led to unbelievable anguish and suffering as people have had to let their night-time hunger go unsatisfied, or roll their extra large night-time 'cigarettes' from unsuitably dry tobacco.
To resolve this issue, I propose a £1,000,000 tax on every arsehole with a sense of entitlement who campaigns endlessly for some fucking thing or another that they appreciate to be subsidised to the tune of millions of pounds by some other poor sod (or alternatively everyone). The tax is to be quadrupled for each of those people who claims that their opponents are 'shills' for some shadowy organisation or another.
The money raised by these taxes (some billions of pounds) will fund an elite team of butlers, a fleet of delivery vehicles and a network of warehouses to store, distribute and provide said goods during the designated hours. It's our only hope..
” £20 Elgar note withdrawal ‘a national disgrace’ “
As seen in The Daily Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturenews/7861063/20-Elgar-note-withdrawal-a-national-disgrace.html
Once again the Telegraph deems the opinion of some bloke as worthy of printing in their newspaper, whereas we all know that such drivel is the stomping ground of blogs like this.
Professor Jeremy Dibble, from Durham University's music department, says that the replacement of the £20 notes featuring Edward Elgar with notes featuring Adam Smith is a "national disgrace" that "tells us much about the way in which the arts is now viewed in England. Bank notes should applaud the greatest aspects of England and English culture".
Sorry Dibble, but for one we are talking about BANKNOTES here. Items of money. Economists are far more at home on money than musicians are. Furthermore, I would rank Adam Smith's contribution to the modern world as approximately 6,000x more important than that of Elgar. The old notes look like something a 4 year old knocked up in an elderly version of Paintshop Pro before printing on a decrepit inkjet printer with a dirty, clogged 'refil' cartridge anyway.
In conclusion: STFU, Dibble.
Celebrate ‘Human Achievement Hour’
As found via Dizzy Thinks: http://dizzythinks.net/2010/03/human-achievement-hour-turn-lights-on.html
Now, I didn't know it was imminent but I had heard of it before; once a year environmental organisations encourage people to switch off their lights and otherwise fail to consume energy for an hour, once per year under the banner of "Earth Hour". Presumably this will act as a sacrifice to placate the righteous and vengeful forces of Gaia and draw her attention from the bare faced audacity of our living on the earth.
The libertarian think tank Competitive Enterprise Institute have another idea- that we should go about our lives as normal to celebrate the massive beneficial effects of technology in our lives, they dub this "Human Achievement Hour".
“Environmental challenges will not be solved by turning off our lights and symbolically hiding in the dark,” ... “If anything, we should be looking to technology and innovation to help solve environmental problems.” - CEI policy analyst Michelle Minton
I would go one step further- turn all your lights ON as a beacon of optimism and truth to anyone cowering in their darkened home, or anybody out patrolling (presumably by bicycle) to estimate support for Earth Hour.
Do you want a future of 300mph flying cars, pocket computers and ever-rising standards of living; or a future whittling bits of wood in huts, shitting into a straw-filled bucket ready for composting to grow your own meager beans? The choice is yours..
27/03/2010 8:30pm - switch ON!
“Leading doctors call for ban on smoking in cars”
From here: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article7073299.ece
"Twenty of Britain’s most senior doctors call today for a ban on smoking in cars as part of a sweeping expansion of laws to protect children against the effects of inhaling smoke."
"The doctors say that the national strategy must include tobacco price rises, media campaigns, more effective health warnings and better provision of smoking cessation services."
And here's another thing:
"Leading internet radio presenters call for doctors to go fuck themselves"
Whenever such "Doctor's" pronouncements are in the press, they cause me to become quite annoyed and as such my blood pressure rises dangerously. Of course this is rather bad for my health and wellbeing. As such I call for a ban on 'doctors' sticking their frigging noses into affairs that don't and shouldn't concern them.
More and more the attitude of the state appears to be that our bodies are somehow owned by them, much like a mortgaged house is actually owned by the bank, and that action should be taken against anyone who has that audacity to 'abuse' 'their' property.
When did we become the property of the state? Was it when the NHS was founded, or did it come later? Was there a defined event, or was it a slow and creeping process? Answers on a postcard please...
Hi-vis jobsworth patrol
To cut a long story short, it's St Patrick's day today [edit: no it wasn't] , and much of Digbeth is closed off to allow the parade and related festivities to take place, as they have done every year in Birmingham.
Normally we residents of the surrounding area receive information about road closures etc, so we know what is happening and can make plans to accomodate. This year I received precisely fuck all.
Anyway, I had to visit my mother this morning, and returned home about 2:15. Every road in the vicinity of my flat is utterly clogged up with buses, taxis and cars; not helped by the many minicab drivers who attempt to cut the queues and end up blocking what little clear road remains when they try to get back in to the queue.
My flat (and the car park entrance) are within 50 yards of the somewhat generous road closures.
Last year I seem to remember residents being allowed through. Not this year.
A certian hi-vis vest wearing tosser seems to be taking great pleasure in his 'duties' of causing maximum inconvenience to everyone and wielding what little 'power' he has, or at least thinks he has; backed up with lots of authoritative sounding words like 'council' and 'police'. Apparently we're supposed to drive round hideously congested streets for hours, hoping to find a parking space somewhere nearby (clue: there's a festival on; there aren't any) and walk a mile or two home, then back again later to collect the car because he, THE ALL POWERFUL ROAD CLOSURE MAN OF JUSTICE, allows NO-ONE TO PASS!! I should "take it up with the council if I don't like it" (his words).
What I will say is this- fuck you, you utter waste of skin, oxygen and everyting else; you fuckpigs in yellow bibs (inspectors of various types, 'compliance officers' etc etc etc) are the one thing above all wrong with Britain today, and I know it's a terrible cliche but your backs will be first against then wall when the revolution comes. Fuck off and die.
N.b: I'm home now, thanks to a barricade nearby being unmanned and having blown down in the wind. The roads inside the cordon are of course deserted.
Sport
Somebody sent me a link to this by email: http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/olympics/vancouver/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Englishman-wishes-Canada-would-apologize-for-win?urn=oly,224547 , a Canadian opinion piece regarding this in The Times: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/simon_barnes/article7041547.ece
This blog post forms my reply to that email, and my opinion on international sport in general.
Having read that article (on Yahoo sports) and the Times article he's talking about; I'm on Simon Barnes' side.
That kind of bullshit (Yahoo article) is exactly what I fucking hate about sport in general. Banging on about the fact that somebody who happens to be from 'your' country has won something- how pointless is that?
Morons thinking that because they share an arbitrary political region with somebody who on a certain day won a competition in skiing/football/wanking/whatever that means that they are good at anything, that 'they' have won and it makes them 'better' than somebody else.
It really is pathetic, especially considering that when *any* country's team wins something the people who shout "WOOO *WE* WON!!" the loudest are the people who sat on their fat arses the whole time watching it on TV! WTF has it got to do with you, arseholes? *YOU* DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING!
I personally don't give the faintest shit if nobody English ever wins any sport tournament or medal for the rest of time; its meaningless, it affects nothing. For the record, I similarly don't give a shit when 'we' do win something.
In fact, I would like Britain/England/whatever never to enter any sport tournament again, because it means I should never again hear endless streams of wankers proclaiming about how "they" won/lost and about how fucking important it all is. The Olympics, World Cup, Wimbledon, World Tiddlywinks Championship and all the rest of them can fuck right off, especially when the fucking government wades in and decides to spend MY fucking money on training athletes, broadcasting, building stadiums or whatever else so that they can all have a massive wank when somebody with the right miniature fucking flag on their shirt can win some fucking game one day. It's all such utter galloping bullshit and it gives me a headache.
Can't they spend all of the sport and Olympics money on building something useful, like perhaps motorways, 1Gbps internet connections, schools or 400mph maglev railways? How about not taxing us for it in the first place? Then maybe, just maybe we can 'win' at being a strong economy and then enjoy not only the stuff we've built but the riches and comforts we've all achieved using it, instead of 'winning' some meaningless fucking medals or trophies for playing games? Just a thought.
Poppers banmongers
Have you noticed anything wrong with poppers recently? A couple of years ago, all brands in the UK announced a 'new' formulation; with impaired, short-lasting effects and a nasty sharp smell. 'Real' amyl nitrite (NOT amyl nitrAte, different chemical altogether*) poppers were banned from non-prescription sale in 1996. The second-best type, isobutyl nitrite was banned in 2008. All 'poppers' sold in the UK are now isopropyl nitrite, the nasty sharp stuff.
You may well ask why, considering that the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs considers poppers to cause very little harm, and they continue to be perscribed to treat heart conditions such as angina. I think I've found out why...
An organisation called "Positively Healthy UK" proudly proclaims on their website:
Popperstoppers was originally a campaign in the UK led by HIV positive gay men to achieve the ban on the retail sale of poppers and was managed and directed by Cass Mann, CEO of Positively Healthy (POSH). It is now incorporated into the main stream work of POSH, following approval and support for this work from the Secretary of State for the Department of Health.
POSH has worked in close collaboration with The Royal Pharmaceutical Society in the successful prosecution in 1996 at Crown Court, in front of a judge, of a retail outlet selling the poppers derivative amyl nitrite. This resulted in the UK-wide ban of amyl nitrite and its disappearance from sale
We also worked in tandem with The Department of Health's Medicines Control Agency from 1996 until 2001 to secure a prosecution of manufacturers of the remaining two poppers derivatives, butyl and n-isobutyl nitrites. A prosecution was eventually brought in March 2001 at Crown Court, before a judge and jury, against two manufacturers, but this proved unsuccessful.
'WHY?', you ask?
There have also been suggestions that KS might be linked to the recreational drug poppers (nitrite inhalants). KS is an AIDS-defining symptom largely restricted to gay and bisexual men, the most frequent users of poppers. A number of studies found that gay and bisexual men who have used poppers are much more likely to have developed KS as an AIDS-defining illness than non-users, but other studies have shown no clear relationship. Cases of KS have been reported in HIV-negative gay and bisexual men who were heavy users of poppers. However, more than a dozen HIV-negative cases have also been reported in gay and bisexual men who never used poppers.
[FNS: Link]
('KS' being Kaposi's sarcoma, a cancer normally affecting the skin, strongly associated with AIDS.)
So, you and me are not permitted to buy amyl (or isobutyl) nitrite because one study showed a possibility of an increased risk of developing KS if you already have AIDS.
Now I agree with informing people about the potential risks of drugs, but banning a fairly safe and popular drug because one study shows a possible correlation between the use of it and a complication of a specific disease goes a bit far. It's like banning wearing black clothes altogether, because if you were to walk on an unlit road at night wearing black you are at increased risk of being ran over.
* Amyl Nitrate is a completely different chemical to Amyl Nitrite, does not have the same effects on humans and is used as a diesel additive, amongst other things.