Traffic
Is it just me or is the traffic godawful so far this week? And is it just me or are the vast majority of problems caused by a small number of utter gimps? Will people have re-learned how to drive after the bank hols by next week? I hope so.
Fuel prices
Never mind those charts you see of the 'average' price of fuel; they are normally wrong for the vast majority of people as they give equal weight to little-used expensive petrol stations as they do to the heavily-used cheaper ones. What you want is a chart of actual prices paid, not prices posted on forecourt signs.
Here is such a chart. Each dot represents a tank of diesel put onto one of my business's (small) fleet of vans, and the lorry. I started collecting this data in april 2008, which is where the chart begins. The vast majority of the data points are at reasonably cheap stations around the midlands. There are a few outlying expensive points, mainly caused by someone running empty on a long trip and filling up at a motorway services.
I don't have any data for petrol I'm afraid, putting petrol in vans causes them to break down, so it's something we don't do.
Geographically accurate tube map
Found here, of all places: http://www.sabre-roads.org.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26696
A geographically accurate London Underground map; showing platforms, sidings, crossovers, opening dates etc etc.
Do you wonder where the actual tunnels go, instead of being satisfied that they run somehow between stations X and Y? Then this is for you.
There are also similar maps on that site of the Paris Metro, Barcelona and other places.
The Daily Mail: first with the news that matters
On Big Lorry blog, May 2009: http://www.roadtransport.com/blogs/big-lorry-blog/2009/05/biglorryblog-has-cam-mcfadyen.html
Makes it to the Daily Mail, Jan 2011: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1344262/Lorry-flips-bridge-held-upside-200ft-drop-China.html
You know things are bad when you're reporting on a lorry crashing in China 2 years after the event.
Grow your own car at home
Crosspost from here: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1913322&cid=34580460
I don't have a car at all. If I buy a gasoline can and fill it regularly, will a car grow in my driveway? How much gas will it take before it can drive me around? thx
A car can grow on your driveway, if you provide the right conditions. Cars, like any growing organism, require certain nutrients and environmental conditions to grow. Gas would be the source of energy for the car, analogous to sunlight in the case of plants.
First, an asphalt driveway would be required to provide heavy hydrocarbons, particles of tyre rubber, silt, and a small amount of common salt. A seed will also be required, this would be a car exhaust muffler/silencer. This contains all of the genetic information required for the car to grow correctly. Place the muffler on the driveway, and apply small (100ml or less) amounts of gasoline to it every day. Do this when the temperature is 10-16 degrees celsius, and regular small rain showers are expected.
First, the muffler will appear to go slightly rusty; this is an important stage and NOT a failure. Soon the rust will 'grow' in volume, increasing the overall size of the muffler. This is the 'germination' of the seed. Double the amount of gas per day and allow to grow over 1 month. Ensure regular watering if there is not at least 1 rain shower every 2 days, sufficient to wet the driveway and cause water to run off it. The car must be allowed to dry periodically, in rainy weather shelter the car (for example with a rain cover) to allow it to dry at least once per week.
After 1 month a full car will appear, but it is not yet developed enough for the doors to be opened or for it to be driven. Wait a further week, and until the windows appear slightly grubby. Then the car can be opened for the first time. Within a short time of doing this, fill the tank with at least 2 gallons / 9 litres of gas, and start the car using the key that should already be in the ignition. Allow it to idle for 10 minutes.
Once you have inspected the car for any defects, it can be driven. The local licensing department or DMV should be informed before using the car on a public road. Do not exceed 4,500RPM for the first 5,000 miles.
You can now enjoy your home-grown car, and with regular feeding, exercise and maintenance it will develop onto the ideal car to fulfil your needs and express your personality, while respecting your financial means. Eventually, upon receiving a sufficient amount of windscreen washer fluid (the sperm) the car will reproduce by allowing the muffler to fall of (the seed) at a location of its choosing. Cars like to plant at rough sections of second-rate arterial roads, particularly near intersections or roundabouts. Often seeding can be triggered by a light collision with another car. They also favour speed bumps, although selection is against reproducing in car parks, as the owner of the car will often stop to collect the muffler, ruining any chances of its germination.
Speed survey
This morning I noticed a pair of temporary speed survey tubes on the Lancaster Circus flyover in Birmingham, which had a 40mph limit for years and years which was recently cut to 30. I wonder what will happen when they (the council) get the survey results and find that the good people of Brum generally aren't keen on doing less than 40mph for no good reason, and the 85th percentile speed is more like 50mph?
Option 1: Increase the speed limit to the 85th percentile speed (85th percentile meaning 85% of people are slower than, and 15% faster) as is good historical speed limit practice, or:
Option 2: Say "bloody hell, everybody is speeding by a massive amount" and install some speed cameras.
Answers on a postcard please. I already feel I have an inkling as to what will happen 
A failure of advertising
Seen in today's "Eureka" science supplement, in The Times.
A BMW advert, proudly proclaiming "drinks like a camel"; intended to describe good/low fuel consumption
...and directly over the page from this double-page spread; an article which explains that camels actually drink quite a lot...
Whoops.
This post was going to be entitled "truth in advertising", but the claimed 50mpg is actually quite good.
Now, before any beemer-haters start coming out of the woodwork, here is das FNS-wagen relaxing outside in the snow. It's actually very good on fuel
“Leading doctors call for ban on smoking in cars”
From here: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article7073299.ece
"Twenty of Britain’s most senior doctors call today for a ban on smoking in cars as part of a sweeping expansion of laws to protect children against the effects of inhaling smoke."
"The doctors say that the national strategy must include tobacco price rises, media campaigns, more effective health warnings and better provision of smoking cessation services."
And here's another thing:
"Leading internet radio presenters call for doctors to go fuck themselves"
Whenever such "Doctor's" pronouncements are in the press, they cause me to become quite annoyed and as such my blood pressure rises dangerously. Of course this is rather bad for my health and wellbeing. As such I call for a ban on 'doctors' sticking their frigging noses into affairs that don't and shouldn't concern them.
More and more the attitude of the state appears to be that our bodies are somehow owned by them, much like a mortgaged house is actually owned by the bank, and that action should be taken against anyone who has that audacity to 'abuse' 'their' property.
When did we become the property of the state? Was it when the NHS was founded, or did it come later? Was there a defined event, or was it a slow and creeping process? Answers on a postcard please...
Hi-vis jobsworth patrol
To cut a long story short, it's St Patrick's day today [edit: no it wasn't] , and much of Digbeth is closed off to allow the parade and related festivities to take place, as they have done every year in Birmingham.
Normally we residents of the surrounding area receive information about road closures etc, so we know what is happening and can make plans to accomodate. This year I received precisely fuck all.
Anyway, I had to visit my mother this morning, and returned home about 2:15. Every road in the vicinity of my flat is utterly clogged up with buses, taxis and cars; not helped by the many minicab drivers who attempt to cut the queues and end up blocking what little clear road remains when they try to get back in to the queue.
My flat (and the car park entrance) are within 50 yards of the somewhat generous road closures.
Last year I seem to remember residents being allowed through. Not this year.
A certian hi-vis vest wearing tosser seems to be taking great pleasure in his 'duties' of causing maximum inconvenience to everyone and wielding what little 'power' he has, or at least thinks he has; backed up with lots of authoritative sounding words like 'council' and 'police'. Apparently we're supposed to drive round hideously congested streets for hours, hoping to find a parking space somewhere nearby (clue: there's a festival on; there aren't any) and walk a mile or two home, then back again later to collect the car because he, THE ALL POWERFUL ROAD CLOSURE MAN OF JUSTICE, allows NO-ONE TO PASS!! I should "take it up with the council if I don't like it" (his words).
What I will say is this- fuck you, you utter waste of skin, oxygen and everyting else; you fuckpigs in yellow bibs (inspectors of various types, 'compliance officers' etc etc etc) are the one thing above all wrong with Britain today, and I know it's a terrible cliche but your backs will be first against then wall when the revolution comes. Fuck off and die.
N.b: I'm home now, thanks to a barricade nearby being unmanned and having blown down in the wind. The roads inside the cordon are of course deserted.